10   Try to figure out what I am going to do after I leave work

This daily objective could be misconstrued into staring off into space.  Just because I am not moving and seem to be asleep with my eyes open does not mean I am not being constructive.  I am busy planning what I will be doing after I leave work.  Be that mowing the lawn, watching the kids or more often than not, sitting on my couch being a lifeless slug watching the boob tube.

9   Making top 10 lists

As these top 10 lists expand, so do the hours creating them.  This not only is a waste of my time, but a team objective where everyone at work is asked to make a top ten list, then we compare our lists and make an official top 10 list on any given subject.  When we talk about our list, not only do we share our lists, but tell the stories that brought us to that decision. 

8   Waiting to see whose wife will call first

The cheers that we make when someone else's wife calls first is a common sound here at work.  It has broken down to a contest to that no one wants to win because he will be known as sissyboy for the day. 

7   Trying to make sure it looks like you do more than you do

Who doesn't do this at their workplace?  Proving your importance at any company is normally one of the top priorities in anyones work day.  And fudging those numbers to make it look like you do more than you do is part of America.  Picking up the receiver of the phone and talking to no one, spending hours answering that one email from your wife and plagerizing good ideas you found on the net and passing them off as one of your own are all common practice. 

6   Tell each other childhood stories

The "When I was a kid" stories seem endless.  Inevitably everyday at some point we end up sitting down and discussing the things that happend to us in our past.  These stories always provide for a good laugh, and a little insight on why our co-workers are so strange as adults.

5   Take down the computer network without telling anyone

Normally I don't name names in these top 10 lists.  This will be the exception.  Justin in the middle of the work day, just loves to shut down the internal network so he can do an upgrade or something without letting anyone know.  One of his favorite stories to tell is the time he shut down the system, and turned to Evan and said "Lets see how long it takes before Mike comes down and whines".  46, 47, 48 "Hey, You know the network is down?" asks Mike, "BA HA HA HA HA!" is Justins response.  But in Justins defense I do not think this is a thing with him, more the postition he holds.  Something about being a system administrator turns you into a jerk.  This type of behavior is typical of all system administrators.  If you work with one, beware. 

4   Is it done yet?

Few things in life give me more pleasure than walking up behind someone at work and arbitrarily asking "Is it done yet?".  I have no idea what they are working on, how long it will take or even what it will do, but just asking that question gets the riled up response that I am looking for.  The first 100 times I ask an employee that and they try to justify their work, see number 7 of this list, and make it sound important is really amusing.  After the first 100 times they tend to catch on to my game and have simple answers of "No" in wait.  Time to fire and employee and hire another gullible soul. 

 3   Pinball tournaments

At my work we are fortunate enough to have 6 classic pinball machines, as well as a foosball table.  This is a great way to pass time when your stressed, but can also be an unwanted diversion.  When your in the midst of a competitive competition to see who can get the highest score a person can find himself glued to a pinball machine and unable to leave until he has beaten the score.  This can provide hours of entertainment just watching the person who just cant beat your score. 

2   Bathroom breaks

I do not go to the bathroom at home.  It is all taken care of at work.  As a matter of fact on the weekends when I am not able to use the work bathroom and are forced to use the one at home I almost feel like I am cheating on a girlfriend.  I am not the only one who is guilty of this, everyone at work has trained their bodies to hold in everything until they show up at the workplace.   Who wants to waste precious private time at home on the toilet when you can do it while your getting paid?!  It has gotten so bad, we had to install a red siren light on the outside of the bathroom at work that is directly connected to the light switch inside the bathroom.  This gives everyone fair warning to not wander to close to the bathroom door as we have found the industrial strength fan in the ceiling is not enough to compensate for our natural foul odors. 

1    Watching Evan eruptions

Not one event at work brings me more pleasure than watching Evan have an emotional eruption.   This typically happens when Evan is deep into a video game, or perhaps a round of  pinball and something, like a phone call from a customer,  interrupts him while his is playing good.  The first time he is interrupted its not a big deal, the second time you may get a grunt in displeasure.  But after the third interruption, watch out!  We have metal file cabinets that are dented, table tops with bends and chairs that no longer work because the fury that is Evan had to be unleashed.  I find this so amusing, that if Evan is deep into a game I will call on the phone, and when he answers I will hang up the phone.  This causes a flood of "dirty" words that would put a pimp to shame.