Mikes Top 10 Reasons Not To Have Kids

10   Little Helpers

If you do not enjoy having someone constantly look over your shoulder and ask, "Whats that?", and move your tools as soon as you set them down so you have to search for them when you need them again, do not have children.

9   Shopping

Nothing can try a human being's self control like having a 2 year old break into a screaming, kicking tantrum in the middle of a crowded shopping center because they cannot get their way.  I have gotten to the point where I was so stressed by this that I was physically shaking.

8   Money

Simple math here, If you want to have money, do not have children.  They make balancing your budget impossible.

7   Embarassment

Who has not been in the middle of a wedding, church service or other quiet event when you hear a child tell their parents that they have poopy.

6   The repeater

As a parent, anything you say will be repeated at an inappropriate time.  Example:  It was a spring day and I had to mow the lawn for the first time of the year.  I go out and get the lawnmower out from storage and try to start it, and of course it will not.  Now I am forced to try and repair it.  Not being much of a handyman this of course means that my afternoon will be shot.  I go inside gather some of the tools I need, which includes a hammer, and get to work.  After some very colorful launguage I discover that I again do not have the proper equipment to do the job and must make an unwanted trip to the local hardware store.  When I come back home my wife, standing on the front porch tapping her toe and glaring at me, told me something was wrong.  The simple statement "You handle it" was a real puzzler.  All was answered when I walked on to my back deck and saw my youngest child tapping at nails on the deck with his toy hammer.  This brought a smile to my face with a "just like dad" thought.  Then he throws his hammer down in disgust and yells "PUCK IT!".  My shoulders drooped and the smile was gone, "just like dad" I thought. 

5   Silence

The constant dull roar that is my home is a constant thing.  As a matter of fact when there is the brief moment of silence you will learn as a parent that this is not a time for relaxation, but a time for panic because god knows what your children are doing, but it's bad enought that they know they have to be sneaky to get away with it.

4   Diapers

Honestly, my wife does almost all the diaper changing.  But when I'm put in a position where I have to do it I am always amazed that there is anything left on the inside of my children after what they have left in the diaper.

3   Painting

If you do not enjoy painting, do not have children.  Case in point, when my wife was walking down the hallway and exclaimed, "Oh My God", I was running.  There was my cute two year old with half a red crayon in his hand drawing large circles on his bedroom walls.  Of course I took the half crayon from his hand and sent him out of the room as I fumed.  I tried to wipe the crayon off, but it only smeared and got worse.  Back to my inability as a handyman, I knew this meant alot of unwanted work.  So I go back to the living room to fume some more, and there is my cute little two year old, with the other half of the red crayon.  He already had the dining room done and I had just walked in to see him put the finishing touches in the living room.  Again, if you do not enjoy painting, do not have children.

2   Privacy

Not only can my two year old scream and kick at our bedroom door when we lock it, he can now go to the tool drawer, find the flathead screwdriver and pick the lock to the room.

1   Sanity

My whole perspective on what is rational thought has completly changed since I became a parent.  All those horrible things that your parents did to you as a child and you swore you would never do to your kids suddenly seem like not such bad ideas.  My social ideas that were once about spending nights out on the town have shrunken down to trying unsuccessfully to stay up for half an hour to watch television after the children have gone to bed.  Going potty in a toilet has become a reason for mass celebration, moments of silence are now non-existent.  Everything changes when you have kids.

( I would not trade it for the world)