Mike's Top 10 Fads We Want Back

10   Shirt Collars Turned Up

In Risky Business Tom Cruise turned the fashion world upside down when he took his cute little Gator shirt and turned the collar up.  This started a horrible 2 year trend where if you were a "Preppie" or even a wannabe, you had to have your shirt collar turned up.  I can still remember hearing a converstation in junior high between 2 young ladies about how to iron the collar up, but make it where it does not look like it was ironed for that ah natural look.

9   Tube Tops

This fad started out like many do , at the top with fashion models.  And when the fad first started I will be the first one to admit that it looked pretty good, on the fashion models.  When the trend finally worked its way down to middle America is when things went awry.  Something about seeing my neighbor, who was 45 years old and 60 pounds out of shape and in desperate need of a tan, proudly showing off her new bright yellow tube top made me realize the error in fashions ways.  Designers, if you want to make a lot of money and sell a lot of your clothing line, design it for real people, not what looks good on a stick.

8   Sequin Glove/Zipper Jacket

Who to blame for this fashion bomb is no big secret.  Michael Jackson was such a god in 1984 that even the heavy metal guys thought he was cool.  The young ladies adored him, and this made for a very confusing time for male fashion in America.  Now I never turned to the dark side far enough to wear a sequin glove, but I do remember my red and black jacket that was made out of a paper/nylon material.  It looked like it came right of the NBC miniseries "V" set, which is a movie about aliens that take over the planet for those of you who do not know.  I was sure that diagonal zippers were gonna drive the women wild.  Imagine my suprise as I walked into the 7th grade hall for the first time with my new jacket.  In my mind the mass of humanity in the hall would split in two, reminisent of when Moses split the Red Sea, and I was going to do my cool fashion runway walk down the center, complete with lights and music.  In reality I am pretty sure I did not make it 20 feet before I took off my jacket and balled it up in shame, never to be worn again.  Another fruitless attempt for Mike to be cool in rural Idaho. 

7   Mohawks

I pity the fool!  That was Mr T's contribution to Americas cool things to say list.  However, it did not touch his contribution to fashion.  He single handedly made it cool to have a Mowhawk.  And not only was it cool to have a Mohawk, but having one meant that you were at least as tough as Mr T himself.  It seems like yesterday that Richard Mervin came into Central middle school with his new haircut.  It instantly brought him credibility with everyone.  Whether you were in the "Whoa, he is cool" or "He is just trying to get attention" or the "A rebel without a cause *heart goes pitter patter*" group, he got his message across.  I am pretty sure the child got sent home because of his haircut.  Imagine the uproar that would happen today if that happened.

6   Supertight Jeans (Men)

Commonly refered to as "Nut Huggers" skin tight jeans became a rage in mens fashions in the 80's.  Levis buttonfly 501 jeans were a quintessential part of every male teenage wardrobe.  I wore jeans so tight that the imprint of the seam was imprinted on my skin, and it would stay there for hours.

5   Spandex

 I am so guilty of this fashion faux pas that it is not even funny.  Not only did I wear the spandex biker shorts that became the signature item of the sumer of 89, I had a group of friends that wore them as well.  I cannot imagine how the group of 8 to 12 of us looked walking down the street, "Oh no!  Here comes the spandex boys gang!"  I would beat me up if I saw that today.

4   Sweater Vests

This is one of my first fashion misfires.  Although in reality I should not say "my" fashion misfire, I should say it was my mothers.  This brings up the questions about mothers, what were they thinking!?!  Forcing their male children to wear those hideous zipper up sweater vests that only brought them ridicule at the playground.  I can still hear the bullies, "Look, there is a kid in a sweater vest, lets beat him up, Ha ha ha!".  I was like an Army Delta Ranger running for cover and acting all covert on the playground trying to avoid the guerilla bullies.  Standing behind trees, crawling on my belly under obsticals and other forms of stealth were not uncommon on the days that I was forced to wear the sweater vest. 

3   Neon Mesh Shirts

Shirts like this came into style during the late 80's, and worked very well with the previously mentioned fashion snafu, the spandex bike shorts.  Looking like some bizarre melt of Cyndy Lauper, a comic book hero and fishing equipment, neon mesh shirts were the rage for a few short months.  Personally I thought this fashion statement said alot, especially when a fashion pioneer tried to put the neon mesh in the spandex biker shorts.  The women who wore these shorts should have been strippers, but just could not quite pull the trigger.  And seeing one made a male teenagers day. 

2   Parachute Pants

Swish-Swish, Swish-Swish.  This is the sound you made with any movement in parachute pants.  For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, I will explain.  Parachute pants were a mid 80's fashion craze that was all over America.  The pants themselves were made out of a nylon material, that resembled you guessed it, parachute material.  "Good" parachute pants also had at least 16 zipper pockets, most of which did not have a pocket, just a zipper.  The comedy ensued when someone wearing parachute pants was asked for something that was in his pockets.  If he was not sure which one, for what he was looking for was in, it took five minutes of zipping and unzipping to find what he was looking for.  Parachute pants also coincided with the cultural fad of Break Dancing.  I believe the two worked well together because the material of the pants created very little friction with the floor as you spun on it.

1   The Mullet Haircut

The mullet hairstyle is truly a piece of Americana.  No other haircut screams of a time and attitude like a mullet.  For those of you who are not familiar with it, the mullet hairstyle was short on the side and the top, but long and unkept in the back.  Sort of a Church member/Youth gone wild look.  This haircut became so popular that it did not matter your age.  A forty something Mel Gibson wore one in Lethal Weapon, I have video of my 4 year old nephew at my wedding sporting one, I sure as hell had one.  It pretty much boiled down to everyone in America had a mullet.  Then overnight, it became "The frat boy" haircut.  I never really understood that, but I do know it was a bad thing.  Now you were no longer a rebel, you were a "poser rebel" which was the worst thing you could be.  The mullet died.   However the power of the mullet can not be denied.  You can go on televison and order the 2 cassette or 2 cd set of "Mullet Rock", the FOX network is even starting a show called "The Mullets".  Yes, the mullet will live on, and if I have anything to do about it a wig of a mullet will be placed in the American History Museum in Washington D.C. to represent a time in America so great, that even a bad haircut was cool.  The 80's.